I had my Tarot cards read the other day. It’s such an amazing practice, and nothing makes me feel more on track than a Tarot reading. Now, I know you may think this is crazy, but my recent reading actually made me start to think about my anxiety in a different way. I’ve been making many discoveries about myself lately, such as how my anxiety manifests and how it functions, and I can’t wait to share those insights, but it was the reading itself that was a major emotional tipping point.
Now, I know there are a lot of skeptics out there who say that Tarot is made up, or that it’s just probability and projection, but I think you can find things in a reading that apply to you no matter how you think the cards are drawn. I, however, do not think probability is the force at work in Tarot, but rather that you truly draw the cards you need in your life at that moment. This was never more apparent than this last reading, which was done by a wonderful friend! (Thank you dear one!)
I won’t share my entire reading, but I would like to tell you about the two most important parts. These cards started the change my thinking, and they’ve been a guiding force every day since.
For those that don’t know, there are different types of layouts you can choose for your reading, such as Celtic Cross or the Career Path Spread. I chose the Chakra reading, which aligns the cards with your different chakra points and depicts influences, blockages, or advances for healing.
The first card I want to share with you was drawn for my solar plexus chakra (the stomach/sternum area), which indicates feelings of self-worth and major obstacles in our path to success. The card I drew was Failure. “You are afraid of failing,” said my friend, “and this blocks your confidence.” How could one card call me out so completely? Deep down, where I thought I had buried it a long time ago, was exactly that – a fear of failure. This fear had not seen the light of day for so long, and suddenly, here was this giant spotlight shining on it!
It gets even crazier because this fear that I had not acknowledged for so long had begun to physically manifest in my body. For almost three weeks, I have woken up every morning at 6 or 7am with an upset stomach that takes anywhere from 1-3 hours to normalize, and also makes it extremely hard to eat anything (No, I’m not pregnant. I checked…). How had I not put this together? Then again, how could I? Without this reading to bring it out from hiding and help me connect the dots, it would have stayed there unacknowledged, continuing to mess with my health.
“If you want, you can draw another card to see what happens once you let that fear of failure go,” she told me. So, of course, I did. The next card was Gain. “Once you are able to drop your fears, which have nothing to do with reality, you can change your intentions and thought patterns to focus on the positive, and thus you will gain from all situations in life. This is an important perspective shift.” Wait wait wait, drop my fears that have nothing to do with reality? What? All my fears are very real and important, aren’t they? Maybe I really did get stuck in a downward spiral of negativity. When was the last time I focused on something positive? I couldn’t recall. The thing that resonated most though was this mention of a perspective shift… I hadn’t thought about it that way. Something about that seemed more doable and less threatening than making a change. And the perspective shift had to start with my thinking about fear and negativity.
The second noteworthy card was drawn for my heart chakra, which points to important and close relationships. The card I received was Worry, which seemed to go hand in hand with Failure. I strongly believe that the first drawing definitely affected this second one. “Your ability to love and love life is blocked by fear of painful situations and pessimism,” she told me. Damn, right again. These things that I didn’t want to admit or couldn’t put a name to were coming up so clearly that it scared me. There was that fear again. So much fear! Where did it all come from? How had I hidden it so well from myself? And yet, once I spotted it, I realized I had become so pessimistic that I was beginning to get annoyed with myself!
“You can draw another card to see what will replace worry once you let it go,” she said. Again, I drew a second card. The Sun. “Once you reprogram your thoughts from ‘but what if all the bad stuff…’ to ‘there could be so much good stuff…,’ you will feel free to join in the dance of life, which will lead you to fulfilled love relationships and creative adventures! The sun is shining in and through your heart!” Fulfilled love relationships and creative adventures?! You mean the two things I want most in this life? I could actually have those things?
My mind was spinning. Here, in just these two cards alone, was everything I had been hiding from myself, everything that I had pushed away. Even if I didn’t believe that the universe or Tarot Gods or some higher power had chosen these cards for me, here laid out on the carpet in my apartment were the truths I could no longer run from. Here was a map of my anxiety and how it had begun to affect me and manifest in my body. Here was an explanation for my stomach issues, my frantic multi-tasking, and my constant feeling of not doing enough to try to succeed each day. Here was the inescapable truth.
Maybe the way I had been thinking for so long had become a negative pattern that was only getting worse each day. Maybe it affected my anxiety more than I thought. Maybe, just maybe, there was a way to start fixing this and let Gain and The Sun rule my life instead of Failure and Worry. Maybe I could shift my thinking in a more positive way. Maybe my heart could burst with love each day instead of drowning in worry.
This reading left me with so many maybes but I can tell you now, those maybes would to certainties. It was only a matter of time.